On death“We are going to die, and that makes us the lucky ones. Most people are never going to die because they are never going to be born. The potential people who could have been here in my place but who will in fact never see the light of day outnumber the sand grains of Arabia. [...] In the teeth of these stupefying odds it is you and I, in our ordinariness, that are here. We privileged few, who won the lottery of birth against all odds, how dare we whine at our inevitable return to that prior state from which the vast majority have never stirred?”
Is it my fault? Am I not worth attention? Do I expect too much of the people around me? And why then - am I trying to be too much for them, warping my perspective?
I can basically never truly fall apart. It's like everyone around me is a very friendly vulture, circling for a weakness in my person, and capitalising when I show one imperfection. My armour needs to be perfect every second of every hour, and one sign of humanity is a flaw to be rectified.
I know it's my mind playing tricks, projecting its perfectionism on the people around me. Everyone is human, so everyone is allowed to make mistakes.
Except me. I will bear everyone's mistakes by being unerring.
I used to be a person people wanted to interact with. I think. I'm not sure.
I hope I still am, but I am becoming more doubtful every second I see them circling overhead.
If they're waiting for my fall, they'll be circling there for a while.
ThoughtsThe worst part about falling in love with someone is realising that you have so many flaws that reciprocation is an exceptionally unlikely event
I have played so many RPGs that I have started colour-coding my own planning to fit the rarity system
Grey - common - low priority Green - uncommon - medium priority Yellow/orange - rare - high priority Blue/purple - legendary (or whatever) - very high priority
Lots of games differ from this colour scheme (Destiny 2 flips purple and yellow, Grim Dawn flips green and yellow, and Path of Exile just says "screw you"), but this one (which, lets be honest, is in my head mostly because of Guild Wars 2) is the one that stuck with me.
And now it's in my workspace, so very high priority tasks are now Legendary tasks :D
