Re: loneliness
I think the source of my loneliness is a difference between my expectations and reality. Apart from my obsessive behaviour that is slowly pushing away the people around me, of course.How is it that I want to be so close to others, but also push them away? How does that make sense? How does it compute?
My friendship feels like a cycle of me fucking up, followed by trying too hard to win their affection back, then fucking up again. I want it too much. I am trying too hard.
But letting go feels like giving up.
And I don't want to give up.
"And I need to find a way to be happy, when I'm on my own." - Window Kid